Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Kiri Takes A Trip-Chapter One

"A trip, a trip, my knitter says I'm going on a trip. The Queens have come to my rescue. My knitter has been accusing me of all sorts of bad behaviors. Trash talk...dropped stitches, missed yarnovers, pattern totally out of control....attacking even my physical attributes. Saying I'm unattractive, evan ugly at times. I know she's frustrated. I know how hard she's worked to knit me into shape. But...you know...she is easily distracted. She's worked on me for hours without once stopping to make sure the previous row was perfect. I think she gets lulled into complacency on those purl rows. But that's just my opinion. And she's inconsistent. Working away for a bit then bam...setting me down in the middle of a pattern repeat. What kind of fool does these things? Anyway, she apologized for keeping me in time out so long. And she lavished attention upon me for the last several weeks. Now my fate has been decided. It was a close call though. There were times when I was sure my knitter was going to cut me into little bits, stuff me into an onion sack and leave me for nesting material. That was knitter Benne's idea. Not a terrible fate, but I'd had hopes for a more auspicious and long lasting career. Something a little more...public. Then there was talk about burning me on a ceremonial pyre. Ooooh, that one made me totally cringe....i think i was only saved from that fate by the knitter's personal knowledge of the fragrance (stench) of burning wool....Knitters Grace QOS (Queen of Shawls) and Jayne QOD (Queen of Dyeing) have graciously volunteered their time and energy to my makeover. I'll feel like a virtual Phoenix after they're through with me. Well, must get packing...so much to do!

1) let's see...I'll need a nice container for myself and what my knitter calls my "dangling ball of ugly". Here's a great clear box!
2) And we'll need to restring my live loops on a lifeline so they don't get damaged in travel.
3) Oh...and a fresh, uncrumpled copy of the pattern for Auntie Grace's convenience. What knitter? Oh never mind, I see that the corrected pattern came from my savior Auntie Grace already!
4) and some little stitch markers, just because of all the counts and repeats and stuff.
5) oh, and tea. mustn't forget tea.
6) and chocolate. because you just never know and my knitter says you have to have chocolate for a trip anywhere.

OK...now for when I leave there and go to visit Jayne.....
1) some lovely Wilton's...a little green, red, orange, yellow....maybe some blue too...hmmmm..
2) some rubber gloves
3) some zyrtec for her allergies (well, my knitter does have that awful Pearl who sheds on everything)
4) and stitch markers...just because
5) and some tea.....
6) and chocolate.

I just pray to whatever powers that watch over traveling knitting projects that I get there safely AND don't get diverted to Vermont where I here there is an evil knitter named Joan who would think nothing of stuffing me into a garbage bag and into smelly transfer station oblivion forever! Oh I just can't wait. My bags are packed. I hope I don't get airsick! My knitter says I'm out of here on Saturday.....ooooh I just can't wait! Wish me luck everyone....my very first trip!


CatBookMom said...

ROFL!! Who knew you were so talented a Speaker for Yarn? Having received my SJK yarns, you are going to be blown away by how lovely Kiri will be when she gets home.

So, whadda ya gonna knit now??

junior_goddess said...

Heh. What a faithless mommy you are, sending your child off to boarding school/finishing school.

benne said...

This sounds like a case of "I'm packing the recalcitrant Kiri kid off to learn good manners and obedience." A knitting boot camp for wayward shawls, I think it's gonna work. Better than ending up in a onion bag with bird poop on you.

SK said...

Kiri, have a good trip!

Grace Yaskovic said...

i await her with loving hands and a warm heart (with all my hot flashes everything is warm) another challenge awaits me, and sometimes its just good for the shawl to know when to ask for help!!

jayne said...

I should send her Joan's way just for flaunting privileges when she's all done. :0

But I won't tempt the fates.

Happy travels, young Kiri!